Unnatural, So Beautiful
by Pippins Girl Foreva
Summary: SLASH The difficulties between Merry and Pippin. First fanfic (yay!). Please RR, no flames. Rated R for later chapters.
1. Intro

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. Damn...

ALRIGHTY THEN! Let's get this thing started, shall we?

WARNING: This is slash. No like, no read. I don't want any people being all like "Ewwwwww..." on my reviews, gotcha? Can't stand people like that. So, if you are one of those uptight people, stay the hell out of this fic. I promise, you won't like it, and I don't want to be held responsible for your homophobic nightmares after you read this, k?

For all you people who _do_ like stuff like this- buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Not really, I've just always wanted to say that...

But do feel free to roll around in your pervy mind pictures. After all, that's what this is all about, right?

Pippin woke with a start (nope, not a finish, a start.). He wasn't sure what had caused him to wake so forcefully, but he was fully awake within moments of opening his eyes. Lighting the candle next to his bed, the panting hobbit tried to remember why he had been shaken from his peaceful slumber. While wiping away the bead of sweat that was slowly making it's way from his forehead, he gave up and threw himself onto his back, forcing his eyes shut despite the lit candle. After a few minutes of this, however, Pippin sat back up and wiped his hair out of his eyes. Sighing in frustration, he looked around his room. The shadows around his room flickered in the candlelight. It seemed so peaceful, the way the soft glow seemed to flood the room, bidding rest to even the most uneasy soul.

But not to Pippin.

Pippin, exasperated, got up and began to pace the room while trying to clear his restless mind. His thoughts, however, fell on his cousin (crash), Merry. As he sat back down on his bed, he sighed as he thought about his closest friend- those gold colored curls, those brown eyes...

_No_, Pippin tried to stop the thought before it got out of hand. _I've been through this before- not tonight, not again... _It was too late, and control was hopeless. Giving up, he pictured Merry, his mind wandered (woah, boy, better get the leash...) from his eyes down to his lips- beautiful, perfectly shaped lips that Pippin desperately wanted to-

He laid down again after blowing out the candle. Pulling the blankets over his shoulder and closing his eyes, he imagined and fantasized and dreamed of a love that could never be until he felt sleep overtaking him at last.


	2. Chapter One: Shame

Ah, so you came back for more? Yay!

Let's roll along, shall we?

Merry slowly opened his eyes as the sun crept through his open window. Welcoming the cool breeze that caressed his back, he laid (is it lay or laid? Dunno. Am having severe brain damage today...) on his stomach, reluctant to get out of bed. He quickly went over his "plans" for the day in his head-

_Breakfast, find Pip, second breakfast with Pip, swim with Pip, luncheon with Pip, get into trouble with Pip, afternoon tea with Pip and Frodo, get into more trouble with Pip, go back to Brandy Hall, supper (with Pip) and go to bed (without Pip)._ Merry smiled. A perfectly Pip-filled day.

He finally got out of bed and slowly dressed, savoring the sweet-smell of a new spring day- the mingled smell of soil and flowers that was coming through his window and making the blue curtains sway gracefully. Blue... Pippin's favorite color. Merry smiled again at the thought of his best friend.

He knew the rumors going around that he and Pip were... more than friends, but he paid no attention to them. A wonderful friendship, nothing more; besides, being... like _that_ was wrong. Every hobbit knew that. Him? Gay? It wasn't possible. He thought it unnatural and quite disgusting for anyone to think of them that way...

_Merry stepped forward, coming so close to Pippin that he could feel their breath mingling in the air. Pippin's heart began to race as their lips brushed past each other's. After a few moments of this teasing, Pippin couldn't take it anymore and pressed his lips harder to Merry's. He felt Merry smile through the kiss as his hands ran through Pippin's hair. Pippin sighed and Merry took advantage of the open mouth, running his tongue past Pippin's lips and into his eager and awai-_

Pippin opened his eyes, half ashamed of the pleasant dream. Though it was anything but the first (and he knew it wouldn't be the last) dream of its sort, he still knew what everyone would say were they to find out. He sighed, slightly depressed as he pulled the quilt over his head. He knew the world thought it was wrong for him to love Merry, but the world just didn't understand. Who understood Pippin? Merry. Who knew more about him than anyone else in the world? Merry. Who was there for him, no matter what? Merry, Merry, Merry. And what was so wrong with the fact that they were both male? He had walked in on Frodo and Sam a few times before on accident. _Yes, but they have to keep it a secret,_ Pippin reminded himself.

He rolled over uneasily under the blankets. It was a warm spring morning, absolutely beautiful, but Pippin didn't want to face the world.

_Damn the world_, he thought_. I'll tell him. Today._

But he knew he wouldn't.

Now, he would see Merry and feel guilty because he would fall in love all over again while he watched his own heart break in front of him- but he would pretend that he was fine, that everything was just fine, while he hated himself for the thoughts and secret fantasies running through his head...

Pippin felt something wet on his cheek. He wiped it away- it was a tear that had escaped unnoticed. He smiled as another one tried to roll from his eye, but he refused to let it drop. Pippin sighed and sat up with the quilt still over his head- no one would come to rouse him from his bed for another hour.

Getting up out of bed, he crossed over to the window and opened it. Feeling the cool breeze against his face, he slipped into a sea of memories, but only one stuck out...

The day he realized he loved Merry.


	3. Chapter Two: Memories

MWAH-MWAH-MWAH! If you've come back for chapter 3, then now I obviously have you in my grasps now! There is no escape!!!

Well, actually there is... it's that little X button at the top right hand corner of your screen... but I'm not going to tell you that...

Oops.

Well, Pippin is remembering the day that he realized he loved Merry... so, here ya go.

Suggested song for this chapter- _Yesterday_ by The Beatles

It had been 2 years earlier. It had been an overcast day, but neither he nor Merry had really expected it to rain (well, if da clouds are really big and really gray, that's usually a sign that water is gonna come from da friggin sky. Just a little advice from personal experience). They had been in the marketplace of Hobbiton, chasing pretty girls and having a few laughs when they had run into Frodo (oomph!) by accident. After spending the day with Merry and Frodo, his two most favorite people in all the world, it had finally started to rain (wow! I told you!). Frodo had to hurry home (he had left the windows open at Bag End. Idiot.) and Pippin had to be home before nightfall. Since Tuckborough was some ways from Hobbiton, Merry and Pippin had decided to start towards his house as soon as Frodo had said goodbye.

They had ran (woah, pardon the hideous grammer. It's kinda hard to write in this kind of past tense...) from tree to tree for a while, trying not to get wet, but finally they had given up and simply walked in the rain. When they had reached the door of Pippin's house, they might as well have jumped in a lake. By then night had fallen (waaaaaaah crash), but Pippin wasn't worried about getting into trouble- Paladin was somewhat lenient about curfews.

Pippin remembered exactly how Merry had looked (get a drop cloth for the drool, it's a nice mind picture)- dripping wet, his golden-brown curls were plastered to his forehead and his chocolate eyes had sparkled with the smile that was spread across his face. They stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.

_My, he's grown taller,_ thought Merry.

_God, he's beautiful,_ thought Pippin.

That night, after Merry had left, Pippin had tossed and turned in his bed (hmm... wonder if I could make him do that...). He had always been taught (just like every other hobbit child) that same-sex love was _wrong_. After all, hobbit lads were supposed to chase the hobbit lasses and eventually grow up and get married, right? Male with male- it was simply unheard of. Unnatural. Disgusting. Disgraceful.

_Beautiful._

Pippin had blinked at the word that had presented itself unbidden in his head. The image of Merry standing in the rain replayed over and over in his head. _What is wrong with me?_ he had thought, _this is wrong!_ But something in his head told him different. He thought of Merry again. _How could it be so wrong when it feels so right?_ the small voice told him. (ya know, they make medication for those symptoms...) Pippin stopped and thought for a moment. Had he really mistaken their close intimacy as just a simple friendship?

Pippin had shaken his head, trying to clear his mind. He sat up, not knowing what to think as he realized what he had been trying to deny for the past hour and a half.

He loved Merry.


End file.
